Weird Roommates
by detrametal
Summary: Garfield Logan owns the home with the oddest of people, a homicidal murderer, a vigilante, a beautician and a shop owner. Sounds like a bad joke, huh? But it gets even better, he's an award winning author that has hidden away from the world until now when his editor cajoled him into going onto the most popular TV show ever. What secrets will his weird roommates learn?
1. Chapter 1

_Twenty-thousand charged the hill, the hill guarded by only a scant few. The King raised his sword and charged with a cry so fierce that the heavens themselves shook. Rolb only glanced down at the on-coming horde. The two that had stood beside him fled in terror, he raised his saintly sword-_delete, delete, delete_…fled in terror, he lifted his arm-_ "nonononono, that's not right….hmmm" a knock at the door pulled the author out of his chair with a heartfelt "Dammit!" he jerked the door open "What?" he snapped.

The girl who looked up at him quivered and tears flooded her huge eyes, she held her hands to her mouth and started to sniffle. With a sigh he scratched the back of his head and held out his arms, with a cry of "Yay!" She flung herself into his arms.

He stared into those large amethyst eyes before he noticed "DAMMIT RAVEN YOU GOT BLOOD ALL OVER ME!"

She giggled at her green friend "Oops! Heeheehee didn't mean to!"

* * *

Yes, this was the life of author Garfield Logan, shape shifter extraordinaire. He and his four roommates were the oddest bunch in the city. There was Starfire, alien princess warrior-think Xena only more kick-ass, beautician, Victor Stone the half-robot inventor and owner of Stone electronics, Richard Grayson, the egotistical step-son of the owner of Wayne Enterprises/moonlight vigilante for the city, and Rachel Raven Roth, half-demon tea shop owner and homicidal killer. Our hero is not any of these, for as previously noted it is Garfield with which we shall set our focus, the green shape shifter and author of the award winning _"Kingdom Come, Thy Doom Be Done"_ series.

The mornings always started out the same, he got up, prepared himself for the day and went to work for an hour before shutting down his computer and walking into the kitchen to make breakfast, one plate of French toast, one stack of waffles, three eggs over easy with half a package of bacon and a slice of ham, and finally a Jell-o pudding cup, with three slices of bacon, two chocolate Hershey's kisses, and a small krab salad (the imitation stuff) before putting the drinks down beside the plates, a cup of black coffee, herbal tea, a cup of milk, and a bottle of mustard. Then he would sit in one of the bar stools on the counter and look over the various paperwork and proposals the others would ask him to look over while eating his own meal, the same as he had made for the past three years of living with them, one small tofu omelet, one slice of bread, an apple and a small bowl of oatmeal finished off with a cup of orange juice. He would then eat slowly while waiting for the others, at precisely 7:27 AM they would walk out of their room to enjoy a morning meal with each other.

Unfortunately it always started out the same. The hero known as Robin (A.K.A. DICK) would shout "RAVEN! STOP KILLING PEOPLE!"

She would cock her head to the side "Why? It's fun."

Vic would shake his head "It's not right" he was the one that made all of Richard's equipment for him.

Starfire would shake her head in return "But it is war, she is stronger so she wins" the princess was nice and caring and totally ruthless in a fight.

And they would erupt into all out verbal war. Gar would clear his throat once softly, still they would argue, again slightly louder, they would ignore him until he would clear his throat a third time while still looking at the newspaper. They would be hushed into silence as he still read "Who has paid for each of your shares of rent on multiple occasion?"

They bowed their heads and said simultaneously "…You…"

"Who works not only for himself but reviews all your paperwork for free?"

"…You…" they said, sounding like scolded children.

"Who is the legal holder of this home?"

"…You…"

"Who's going to shut up and stop arguing?"

"…We are…" They said weakly and they slowly separated to finish a few last minute things as Gar went out get the mail.

He sorted out the mail by recipient in their spots on the table as he usually did until they others got back in and read their letters. Things were going well until Richard said "…but she started it"

With a loud sigh Gar threw the paper on the counter "That's it! You're training with me!" the group gulped and turned pale. That threat was the worst thing they had ever heard. The four hour training with Gar was the single worst thing any of them had ever experienced, the pain and suffering he went through were a feat no mere mortal could contain.

As the duo sat a bit away from the other group during a short break Richard turned to Gar "You really don't care if she kills people?"

He shook his head "If they're of no use to me I couldn't care less"

The heir to the corporation snorted "That list is very, very short…who all's on that list?"

"Everyone here…editor…few others…Jinx"

"Jinx?"

"Yeah"

The masked man shrugged "She just doesn't seem of much…value to you"

"Actually she's worth quite a bit to me, she buys my books, offers good advice, makes a mean meal, is one of the few humans, meta or otherwise, that I find myself liking, let alone tolerating, and she keeps Vic in line"

Richard shrugged and stood waiting for Gar, who's phone buzzed at that exact moment. Looking at the text Gar issued one word from his mouth. "Dammit"

* * *

As he packed the other four stared at him before Raven's wide eyes peeked owlishly from the frame "So you're going to California? For a show?"

Tossing a shirt into his bag and with a irritated sigh "Yeah, it's one of those things that happens to authors every once in a while. At eight on Wednesday I'll be on 'John Doe Tonight' no matter how much I don't want to go"

But they had stopped listening at 'John Doe Tonight' the single most popular show since the television was invented. As he tossed a few glasses cases into the bag followed by a book they managed to gather enough wits about them to nod as he issued his list of commands as High Ruler of the Home, Payer of Most of the Bills, and Oldest of the Group. As he stepped out the front door he turned to them "You will not invite anyone over without my consent. You will not allow anyone to spend the night without my consent. You will allow no one into my room or office. No booze. If you break any rules you'll help me catch up on my workout when I get back" he ordained with a wolfish smile as they shuddered under his gaze. He tossed a "be safe" as he pulled on his sunglasses and got in the taxi.

* * *

The phone rang twice before he picked up, they caught a "Vince, I swear to God, if you put me on this show again I will break your legs… Logan speaking"

The others stood around the speaker phone, Vic started "Hey Gar…youuu okay?"

"Yeah, just these people are cr-I would rather shoot myself in the foot with a shotgun than wear that, I brought clothes that **I. WILL. WEAR.**" they could hear the make-up people run off in primeval terror "Okay, I got a moment, what did you want?"

Vic looked at the pink haired woman staring at him "Can Jinx come over to watch the show?"

She giggled "Are you seriously asking if I can come over? What are you thirteen?"

As Gar chased off the beautician's reinforcements Richard nodded "You know his work out schedule. Now imagine doing three sessions a day for a week…that's what we'd be going through" Jinx shuddered at the thought, she went through one session and that was enough for a lifetime.

"Yeah, she can come over, Hell, she can even spend the night, just wear protection I don't want to deal with little kids right now" Vic and Jinx were dying from embarrassment while the others were laughing, Gar, however, was silent for a moment "Okay guys, I've got to go, I'll be home soon"

* * *

The John Doe Show usually had two or three guest, but in honor of the author the entire two hour special was dedicated to him, as he walked on the cheering crowd suddenly fell silent, they didn't expect a meta.

They soon managed to get a good bit of cheer back as he sat in the chair, he looked very dashing, black slacks and dress shoes, a white un-tucked shirt, a black watch and set of black Oakley Half Jackets. He sat and crossed one leg over his knee as he laced his fingers together. The host smiled "Hello Mr. Logan, it's nice to meet you…let's get this started- seeing as you've been hidden from the world since your first book nobody knows you-tell us about yourself"

The gravelly voice was accompanied by a wide sweep of the hands "Like what?"

"Like how the hell this book has gotten so many outstanding reviews" and the generic man stood a book up on his desk, the black cover had _"The Wolves of Frost"_ written in jagged harsh lettering, the white clashed harshly with the darkness the book had. Doe continued "When I read the book at first I thought there would be no way in hell that I'd like a book about this sort of stuff…torture, rape, murder revenge…but I was hooked in all of ten minutes. How did you do it?"

Gar pressed his entwined hands to his mouth "Mr. Doe, this will lead you down a path, I assure you, you do not want to travel down"

"I've pulled a lot of crap with this show…what makes you think I don't want to do this?"

The studio was dead silent as Gar took a sip of his water before setting it down on the black leather sofa beside him "I survived Moneta, the concentration camp of Metahumans, also called the greatest tragedy of our era." Doe swallowed harshly, this was one topic he'd have rather avoided…


	2. Chapter 2

_Doe swallowed harshly, this was one topic he'd have rather avoided…_

The host tried to think of a way out until he realized that the show needed to dive into the nitty-gritty and deal with it "Tell us about these camps and Moneta…it's something nobody wants to talk about…but why don't you start at your beginning. That seems like the best place"

"Very well…I might be able to fit it in the two hours"

* * *

My parents were molecular biologists working on a project studying the DNA code of viruses and bacteria, soon after I was born we went to a small village deep within the heart of Africa. There we stayed for years, growing close to the tribe and in particular the chief. When I was three I was bitten by a monkey, a green monkey who had a rare diseases that no human could ever survive, the final symptoms are uncontrollable spontaneous mutations to animals. My parents managed to create a cure that stabilized my fever and my form, but as an unexpected side effect I turned green and can change my form at will.

A few years later a disastrous flood hit the river and my parents and I took our boat-the largest in the village, to go find whatever was blocking the current from flowing and stopping up the river. It was a fallen tree that was so far from either bank that we had no choice but to stay in the boat and use a chainsaw to take chunk after chunk out…but after the first cut the entire tree gave way and we hurtled towards a waterfall so quickly that the motor died trying to fight the current. My mother convinced me to go to the village for help as a bird. I-I was so panicked I didn't think about what I was doing…

…By the time I got back with help we couldn't find the bodies…

* * *

The far off look in his eyes and the tears that fell suddenly stopped as he blinked rapidly and Doe took the opportunity to keep the camera off his guest "Mr. Logan has agreed to answer questions live after his story and a message from our sponsors" the crowd slowly wandered out and Doe got up "You okay with answering questions about this? Seems like a close subject" Logan nodded.

And in truth those at the house were staring mouth agog at what they had just heard. They had been with him for years and never once heard his past. He knew each of theirs- a safety requirement for being admitted to the house. But as the final commercial faded their eyes were glued back to the screen.

Doe welcomed the people back "So, Logan, what happened after…where we left off?"

Gar nodded and slowly closed his eye and leaned his head back, which caused many people in the audience to get…shall we say…worked up.

* * *

After my parents died the Chief believed that I needed time away from the village where they died, to deal with my own stress and their deaths. As much as I hated to leave I had to. I was adopted by a couple here in the states. Two metas like myself, she had the power of elasticity and he had mental powers. They never showed them off but subtle things gave them away. They were just normal people like you and me, she was a kindergarten teacher while he managed the city's largest bank. They were high school friends of my parents and I lived with them from the time I was four until I was seven. Then came the Oregon Incident. In Astoria Oregon, A meta with the power of minor temporal expansion went on a rampage and killed 34 people, sixteen of which were metas but suddenly it didn't matter that almost half his victims were metas, all of us were dangerous. No matter what powers you had you were dangerous. We were told that it was a simple observation camp and within a month we could return home. They lied. The next four years were hell. I won't go into much out of respect for the dead, but the guards that were sent to observe us became our tormentors. They did things that…things that will never be spoken of and that should never have been done, torture was too light a word for the things they did. Out of the seven thousand that entered that camp twenty-two survived the four years. Thirteen died of complications from their time, three killed themselves out of mental trauma, two died of car accidents and the other three were killed when they tried to testify against the guards. I survived that place even when my foster parents died because of this.

* * *

Logan tapped the back of his neck, Doe countered "You're neck?"

"Brainstem. It contains what most people call the 'reptilian brain' of humans, it's our instincts and unconscious body regulation. In my case it also contains all the predatory/prey instincts that exists. I became a beast, hid in alleys and hunted at night."

"So I take it that that's where things ended?"

The guest chuckled "No, after that one person was brave enough to try to help me. The one guard I respected. Slade Wilson."

Doe's eyes widened "Well, if you don't want to talk about the things they did it must have been horrible, what with you've put in your books…and I do want to hear about this Slade but we've got to go for a moment" and again the crowd dispersed as Logan stretched.

Those back at the home were wondering what type of pain he had suffered through. They had seen the scars on his body and many of them pushed a cold sweat from them. But somehow he lived through it. It was Victor who broke the silence as he shook his head "Man, Gar's been through some messed up stuff…this may sound bad but I'm kinda glad he did" at the shocked looks he continued "Not because he got hurt but because it made him…well, him" they nodded and scrambled for drinks and snacks before the show started up again.

Doe looked up at the camera "Okay, lets here more about this Slade character. He must have been something…as your third father would you say he had a big impact on you?"

Logan gripped his chin "In many ways he had more influence on my than anyone else" Doe waved in hand in a 'go on' gesture

* * *

Slade was the only guard that didn't hurt us, but it was one against hundreds, he had s strict code that he kept, like an old fashioned knight. But when the camp was shut down I was the only one who was young enough to be put in foster care. He took me in when I conveyed that he was the only one who didn't torture us…but still I was untrusting. He never pushed me and I swear that man had a patience that a Saint would envy. He reintroduced me to people. But he also taught me how to trust, and that it was a gift not easily earned. Right now I can count on both hands how many people I trust. But back on the subject, Slade took me in and for the next seven years he helped me…essentially become human again. To me he was my dad, Mark and Marie Logan were my first set of parents, taken from me far to young to really remember and Steve and Rita Dayton I had too short a time with but I will always thank them fondly. But Slade was the man I aspired to be, everyone around him respected him and his circle of friends, though small, was faithful and just…just perfect. He raised me. They all did but he was the one who allowed me to be me. And to everyone I was just his kid. But he died from complications to an old wound, on my birthday no less. That was the wildest night I'll ever had. Four different lawyers came to talk to me, one from my birth parents, the next from my foster parents, third was Slade's personal lawyer and the final one was from D.C. Long story short I got an inheritance that means I could live without working till the age of 103 and three children wouldn't have to work until they were 54. Including houses and cars and all that jazz.

But the I was shocked thing was Slade willed me everything. Everything. But it was the man from the Capital that really surprised me. I won't tell you all of what happened that night but I don't have to worry about many things. But the sudden change brought about…discomfort. I had always lived with people and suddenly found myself alone.

* * *

"So I sent out flyers for roommates. I got numerous calls but the first one was…well, he and I argue a lot but each and every room in my house is filled with family. He's well known within certain circles…"

Doe smiled as they got to something much more light hearted "So what do you argue about?"

"Perspective. We both believe in the Sanctity of Life-but he takes it to mean that every life should be saved, the way I see it is Nature is unstoppable and that we shouldn't interfere with it and allow Life, in all forms, to move the way nature intended. I'm not saying go out and murder someone but let life go on"

The host shook his head "And you said you have four roommates, why don't you tell us a bit about them. Don't have to be too specific but whatever you want to give us. Remember this show is designed to pick apart your life!"

Logan chuckled "Alright, sounds fun" those at home felt their jaws drop. Gar said fun…what was the world coming to!?

"So who joined your little family next?"

"Ah, that would be the resident alien"

"Cool, where's she from, France, Italy-"

"No, I meant literally. An alien as in outer space." this didn't really surprise the host as other species had been making Earth their home for the past ten years…almost to the day that the Camps were closed. "She's from a planet called Tameran and she's…well, she's tougher than a truck and stronger than stronger than anything else I've ever seen, she's a sweet girl…but she's ruthless in a fight. Ya' seen Tamerainas are warriors, all of 'em and damn good ones."

"Oh…well, who was next?"

The author smirked and scratched the back of his neck "The next one was a nerd with the build of a football star. He's a bit…well, he's every inch a dork. And I'll tell him that to his face. But he's a nice guy that many people look to as an older brother, he runs an electronics store and he and I get along well."

"What do you two get along over? Movies? Video games?"

Gar full out laughed and several people in the audience had blushes painted over their face "Surprisingly enough, movies, music, books…quite a few things. He and I share very similar tastes in books and stand about half-on, half-off on movies. But we can't get along at all about music."

"But I thought you said you bonded over music?"

Doe felt himself smile in reflection to the grin that was plastered over the green man's face "Yeah, we do. Our music arguments are legend in the house…he likes rap and hip-hop while I like a variety, classic, jazz, rock, metal…I really just like _good_ music" he chuckled.

Doe shook his head with a breathy laugh "So that leaves us the last roommate of yours…"

"Indeed it does, she's a another alien, she's from an entirely different dimension. She looks rather…dark, but she's so cheery and happy that if you didn't see her you'd think she had an obsession with pink, flowers and coffee products. But she likes dark colors, blue in particular, old books, stone gargoyles and tea. She's another bright and cheery person that you would rather not piss off. She's been trained by the monks of her homeworld and…well, lets just say that her parentage would scare even the most hardcore fanatic."

Doe took a drink of his coffee "So a bouncy goth with daddy issues?"

"Something like that" he said with a razor sharp smirk.

Doe nodded "So, those are your roomies?" the author nodded the affirmative and the host nodded back "Sooooo…." he started slyly and waited until the water bottle was at the other's mouth "is there a person you fancy?" he rushed and held up his arms to block the spray of water that burst out. Gar's coughing, questions and curses combined for a rather…interesting minute.

After regaining what air he could Gar stared at Doe in a way that should have melted the sunglasses on his face and through the man "There is a woman whom I feel a particular pull to but I assure you that she doesn't feel that way."

Doe leaned against the desk and 'hmm'-ed rather mischievously "And how do you know that?"

Gar smirk shredded the same look from the former as he tapped his nose "You forget, my nose can smell human pheromones like yours can smell a skunk in a field of flowers. Every time we speak mine spike-I can't help it, but hers never change."

The crowd couldn't help the collective shock that rolled off their bodies, a man who could create a web of words so foul that even murderers and rapist feared to sleep was in love with somebody. Those who knew him better were more shocked. Never had the seen him act strangely, he was always calm and cool. Vic scowled "There's only one place where we don't see him…"

Richard nodded "His editor! That's gotta be it!"

They turned back to catch Doe chorttle "Why don't you make us a little something about her then?"

Gar quirked an eyebrow "Here? Now? Are you serious?"

Doe's shit-eating grin was perfect "Unless the 'greatest author of our generation' can't do it" he sing-songed.

A moment passed and just as Doe was about to speak his victory Gar's best voice came out-the storyteller's voice that enraptured everyone from the first word

_Every word I've said is bullshit. Every lie I've told is the truth._

_How does one like me feel this?_

_Every breath I take is death. Every tear I cry is fury._

_How does one like me feel this?_

_A thousand words you said and ten thousand truths I hear._

_And the angels weep at every song._

_Air is blessed to past your lips and into the velvet heart of compassion._

_And the angels weep at every song._

_How does one condemned as I feel love?_

_How many hearts does love heal?_

_With a soul as black as mine?_

_How many hearts does love heal?_

Every man, woman and child watching watched in utter silence until he pulled the glasses down and stared into the camera with eyes so emerald that Gaia herself seemed to sleep within "You asked and I gave. She and I are more different than I'd ever care to admit but I've never been able to say no to her. Never"


End file.
